solo dolo.

2011-09-29T04:22:00.003+09:00

these days, all my brother, boyfriend, and i do is talk about photography.

these days, we're all into and obsessed with the same shit. and it's not about being original, but i'm just sick of seeing girls' asses everywhere. don't get me wrong though... i have millions of tits and ass saved on my hard drive too. i'm just looking through these particular pictures i save wondering why they're aesthetically pleasing to me... lesbihonest, i'm not a lesbian. but girls girls girls, i barely have any photos of guys! models looking glam and smoking cigs, new editorials, runway fashion, airport fashion, the simplest and most modern architecture, cityscape, nudity, black and white snapshots of the most random objects, love, anything luxurious, etc., etc., etc.!!!

all of this makes up art today.

i die for this stuff.

even amongst sameness, you need to find something unique (it could be the smallest thing) and just blow up with that.

swag.

2011-09-29T03:59:00.000+09:00

stream of consciousness.

2011-09-05T00:03:00.010+09:00

i used to write more cautiously. not typo-wise because i'll forever make spelling and grammar mistakes, but even though i'd want to write all of my thoughts down, i didn't like the idea of other people reading it and making comments about it. good comments are great, but it has always been hard for me to take criticism or rejection. during school, i didn't mind presentations and speeches as much as those times my classmates had to correct my essays. i was embarrassed of my writing.

now, all i want to do is write. maybe i've learned some things in the past few years... maybe i've become more emotional. i don't know what it is, but whenever i feel pathetically sad or over-the-top happy, i want to write about it.

these days, everything is so pathetically sad to me. i don't know if it's because i'm a girl. i don't know if it's because of my period. i don't know if it's because of other personal reasons. i don't know if it's because i'm leaving korea... it's because i'm leaving korea. and it's not like before when i left korea in tears thinking of all the good memories i made here/how i want to stay/how i'm going to miss my relatives here. yes, i'll miss one relative, but my departure has deeper meaning for family all over the world.

i was watching this documentary about a dog who waits for his sick and old, about-to-pass-away owners every day at the bus stop. even if the owners try to trap him inside the house before going on their daily hospital visits, this dog finds a way to crawl through holes and jump across rooftops to get to that one bus stop where he waits. he waits all day. seeing this made me cry.

w.t.f.?

maybe i'm just sad these days because i was born a sensitive being. i'm. so. sensitive. i try to act like shit doesn't get to me, but it does. people think i don't care, but i do. maybe i'm not egotistical enough. maybe i'm not self-centered enough. and what i'm going to say now is going to make me look like the most haughty bitch: i just feel bad for everyone. at this point, i feel like i can't just focus on myself and move forward. i want to make everyone happy, but that's not an easy thing to do. just the fact that most of these sentences are negated by a "but" makes me sad. i feel bad for my loved ones who aren't happy. i don't care if i'm unhappy; i want them to be happy. a couple days ago, i felt bad after thinking about how i've been playfully "rude" to my chubby, little cousin. i felt so bad that i... cried.

i need a cigarette, but i don't have any.

i need to get rid of everything that doesn't bring joy to my life and just do what feels right.

2011-09-03T22:26:00.001+09:00

trends really do fade. nothing's in anymore.

the "what i've learned in korea" post coming up real soon... : ) : (

random spurt of inspiration (!!!)

2011-09-03T22:16:00.005+09:00

no time.

2011-07-27T18:05:00.002+09:00

i get angry at myself when i see that i have over 1000+ items to check on google reader. i haven't been able to keep up with anything with all of the craziest shit happening here halfway across the world from my beloved home city.

i want to immerse myself in fashion like i did before when i was more active with blogging, but i simply don't have time. a lack of motivation and creation comes along with it too.

home is where my heart is... and i miss home.

until next time.

2011-06-08T16:21:00.007+09:00

i used to hate it when people copied me. i got territorial because this new girl in elementary school wanted people to call her jess instead of jessica. i was supposed to be the only jess in the whole school. there once was this other girl a few years younger than me whose name also started with a 'j' and she'd copy my clothes, my cellphone, and even the shit i'd say! you can't take someone else's story or joke, make it your own, and not give any credit to the original creator. but now i don't care. i've probably copied someone in one way or another, though not obsessively. but now i just take it as a compliment.

lyrics

2011-06-04T21:44:00.001+09:00

my blood boils as my eyes turn green

is this the best of the best of the scene

anyone but him

with schoolboy fists we can take this outside

but knowing my luck that fuck would win

anyone but him

who's gonna take you home

who's gonna take you home if it isn't me?

i feel like dying.

2011-06-03T22:11:00.004+09:00

something said so lightly that it doesn't even have any meaning to me anymore. when i say i feel like dying, i really feel like dying. but do i really really feel like dying? or am i just listening to too much weezy? i do have the most druggerific song on repeat right now.

why is it that when i can't do anything, what i want to do most is everything? and why is it that when i have something planned, all i want to do is nothing?

something's wrong with me, or we all feel this way. please tell me it's the latter.

2011-06-02T19:49:00.000+09:00

"I Sit and Look Out" by Walt Whitman

2011-06-02T19:39:00.004+09:00

I sit and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all
oppression and shame;
I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men, at anguish with
themselves, remorseful after deeds done;
I see, in low life, the mother misused by her children, dying,
neglected, gaunt, desperate;
I see the wife misused by her husband--I see the treacherous seducer
of young women;
I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love, attempted to be
hid--I see these sights on the earth;
I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny--I see martyrs and
prisoners;
I observe a famine at sea--I observe the sailors casting lots who
shall be kill'd, to preserve the lives of the rest;
I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon
laborers, the poor, and upon negroes, and the like;
All these--All the meanness and agony without end, I sitting, look
out upon,
See, hear, and am silent.

[image via thesartorialist]

looks of the day. hey.

2011-05-30T18:03:00.004+09:00

[images via fashiongonerogue, tfs, and free people]

this too shall pass.

2011-05-30T17:33:00.002+09:00

what the hell am i doing in seoul right now? if my life philosophy includes the quote "get away from anything that makes you miserable," why haven't i quit my job? what am i going to do with my future? questions i ask myself every day i wake up and before i go to hell (work). questions i can ponder about for hours and hours and at the end of the day my brain is just filled with a bigass question mark. i wanted to get away so badly, but now all i can think about is home. i thought there might be a chance i could live in another city, that maybe there'd be somewhere better for me than LA.

what's wrong with me?
a) maybe i'm a pussy.
b) maybe i'm just homesick.
c) maybe i'm not ready for the real world.
d) all of the above.

the answer is d and in my eyes, LA is the best city for me.

who doesn't agree?

why does everyone i know who was born and raised in LA love LA so much?

another question that has been asked time and time again: why are all fashionistas and fashion bloggers anorexically skinny? yes, i wish i were that skinny, but why is it that clothes look so good only on girls who are that thin? i'm living in a sad sad world...

and the only way i'm pushing through is because... ?
a) he's here.
b) $$$
c) one year is nothing in our lifetime.
d) all of the above.

and the answer, yet again, is d.

something makes me run from nothing.

2011-05-27T02:13:00.003+09:00

kill your ego and open your damn heart. what do we have hearts for anyway?

oh god, mike posner just came up on my itunes. time to click next.

a new discovery goes a long way, by the way. i just found out about the freshest band by the name of aer and these two white boys take music to a whole new level.

something's always off for me when it comes to white boys trying to rap, but aer reminds me of a chillass summer day driving around LA with the windows down smoking a what? think sublime + the cool kids and then you get aer.

hey hazel, i like you.

2011-05-24T17:30:00.006+09:00

you really don't realize how amazing something is until it's gone.

no, that doesn't make sense. most things that leave my life are out of my life for a reason. most people who've exited from my life aren't in my life now for a reason. but how about those people who shouldn't have left but did???

i used to have a tutor named doug when i was in middle school/early high school who was such an amicable guy. and he did teach us a lot. i think i was in love with him when i was younger (not that i knew what love was back then and i'm not sure if i even do now) and i always told michelle that i was going to marry a guy like him. i wonder what happened to the only person i've ever met who i could truly call a life mentor...

back. how should i put this... you don't realize how amazing something is until it becomes scarce? and let me tell you... this thing is so amazing that it makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs. screw doug; i would marry this if i could. this thing that i took for granted is now my world. it's what makes me laugh. it's what makes me sleep. it's what awakens me. it's what makes my mind go crazy. it's what makes me realize i need to go buy a notebook after work today.

don't take A N Y T H I N G for granted.

2011-05-24T17:24:00.002+09:00

remember how things were in the beginning?

not good at all.

[image via ffffound]

concrete box

2011-05-19T20:19:00.007+09:00

i always told myself i wouldn't be one of those types to wake up at the same time every day and walk into an office building where everyone's so proper and i have to watch what i say. get that stick out of your ass, old lady in the corner cubicle.

i just have this feeling that my loved ones and i are meant to do something big.

i want to be rich. i want to be filthy rich. i mean, who doesn't? we all need money, clothes, and hoes... we all want that g6. but money has become less of a priority now. i just know that i have to step into the world of creativity.

peace.

daily inspiration

2011-05-19T19:19:00.004+09:00

exquisite.

piercings.

heaven.

dro.

LA, not NYC.

smile, you.

[images via fashiongonerogue and vectroave]

we all need a hank moody in our lives.

2011-05-17T03:18:00.000+09:00

"it was one of those moments where i decided... i resolved that i was gonna keep on fighting. i've lost many battles but i've never lost sight of the war. no retreat baby. no surrender."

who i respect most

2011-05-17T02:32:00.002+09:00

you creative people who can make shit reality... you're amazing.

you people who get away from what makes you miserable immediately... you have balls.

you people who are so damn passionate about something you won't give up until you get what you want... i want to be like you.

do it.

i never regret what i've done, only what i haven't done.

ah damnit. i wish i could just blog all day every day and get paid bank for it.

i'm back.

2011-05-17T02:32:00.001+09:00

that's what's up.

n/a

2010-10-20T10:34:00.001+09:00

time to start something new.

things.

2010-10-14T16:38:00.000+09:00

black and white photographs of people skateboarding
highly-contrasted colored photos of asian alleys
little kids dressed in burberry
cobble-stoned streets
unisex dress shoes
champagne
anything chanel
dreaming of owning a yacht
denim on denim
hong kong
white cement boxes/cubes
fast, sexy, expensive cars that my boyfriend would drive
big floppy hats in the summer with floral dresses
puppies
majestic dogs
fingerless leather gloves
black beanies
men who dress well and have taste
...PEOPLE WHO DRESS WELL AND HAVE TASTE
admitting that money brings happiness
calvin klein boxer briefs
dreaming of owning the perfect loft in manhattan
views of the city
the han river in seoul
a big frame-less bed with fluffy white covers
drinking wine and reading books about f*cked up people wondering what it'd be like to know people like that in real life
greek mythology and architecture
anything bright blue like the LA sky and oceans
voluptuous naked women as sculptures or depicted in paintings
pop art
the color pink
coffee that's too sweet
the cartier love bracelet
korean game shows
leopard-print anything
pharrell
pablo neruda's poems
looking at tattoo blogs
spectacles with no lens
a weird sense of humor
cupcake shops
kiki's delivering service
christmas time
hot cocoa
.............. just that perfect look.

californ-i-a!

2010-10-14T15:57:00.001+09:00

where every day's a friday.

yeah right.

i [only] love cali in the summertime. sometimes.

but not even.

make up your mind.

there's this feeling i get when i think of californian suburban areas, for example glendale, riverside, san jose, any damn city in the OC, etc... i wish i could put this feeling into words, but all that's running through my mind are images of friends and me driving around wide, empty streets smoking cigarettes (small centers with liquor stores, supermarkets, sandwich delis, boba places align these streets), drinking in the car, pulling up to random house parties. and of course it's 110 degrees outside.

you dig?

this song is fitting my mood really well right now:

i don't know why i keep calling you.

2010-10-12T14:46:00.000+09:00

i love fall fashion. i love fall colors.

[all via carolinesmode]

word vomit.

2010-10-09T10:05:00.000+09:00

yesterday i was sitting outside my front door smoking a cig which i should be quitting but anyway the point is i was sitting there in nike running shorts and an old berkeley tee (why do i have this?) but it was probably around 60 degrees farenheit outside and everything just felt calm and i liked the feeling of the breeze against my skin and i felt a little cold but not really and i could totally smell autumn.

what i'm trying to say is i never really felt anything like that because for the past year i was so caught up in something delusional something that most of us call love love fucks us over all the time it fucks us over real good whether you're the one who broke someone's heart or your heart was broken and i realized that i'm done.

i'm done with that because being in that situation that situation where you're so happy because of someone when that person isn't going to stay forever it just makes your world spin you become so dependent on something you shouldn't because in life you should only depend on yourself and you shouldn't look for other sources of happiness because you should be happy yourself no matter what and you don't notice the perks that come with living you can't even enjoy the simplest thing as feeling the seasons change because you're caught up in something that ends up not being real...

something that forces you to grow up.

something that makes you so much stronger than you think you are.

you'll keep experiencing this.

/end

something sheer (for me, please!)

2010-10-09T05:32:00.000+09:00

autumn is here... and even though i may be somewhere else in a few weeks (somewhere very very cold), i crave a sheer, black maxi skirt.

[img src style.com, mr.newton, altamira]

breathe in breathe out

2010-10-09T05:27:00.000+09:00

and it's all crystal-clear.

2010-09-29T20:15:00.001+09:00

now i know.

hollywood inspiration

2010-09-23T10:22:00.001+09:00

[i think] all images via fashiongonerogue

grandpa

2010-09-23T10:22:00.000+09:00

the head of the korean mafia bows to you and looks up to you.

you give him $1000USD for the hell of it whenever you see him.

true baus life.

life

2010-09-15T23:58:00.000+09:00

M: 그런데.. 어떻게그렇게참아?
T: 살아야하니까.. 살아있는동아는아무것도끝나지않잖아... 좋은일도나쁜일도결국다지나가는거니까...

underground shopping center at the terminal (with LIA!!!)

2010-09-15T16:34:00.000+09:00

what did i buy today? i don't remember and i'm too lazy to open my bags.

1) white oxfords - i've always wanted oxfords and the pair i bought were around $50USD, and that's pretty pricey for the area i shopped at.
2) light denim button up - not really a fall trend, but i always wanted one.
3) cheap, big-framed glasses
4) studded military boots - they look like the steve madden boots i wore the life out of the past year but the studs and silver buckles just looked too good... plus they were only $50USD.
5) khaki anorak - my most regretful purchase today... it was only $13-14 but i saw so many prettier/better quality ones after!!! of course koreans don't do refunds...
6) tribal-print, silk skirt - more summer-y, but it's not short at all so i think it's wearable in the fall.

what else... drawing blanks here...

7) grey, sweater-like long thing that's sort of see-through
8) nude+beige+orange-ish (ew) long-sleeve silk dress top

i can't think of anything else, but i might as well stop because my descriptions are sucking. i'm pretty sure there should be a few other pieces though.

i still want a thin, silk-ish, nude-colored, long (wow i'm picky) blazer. i actually saw a lot today, but i didn't want to spend even more $$$.................

so much i want. my next "big" purchases will include the fujifilm instax camera and the ipad.

2010-09-14T18:08:00.000+09:00

i just hope i care when i'm back in the city of angels.

creativity at its best

2010-09-14T18:07:00.000+09:00

cool.

2010-09-14T18:02:00.000+09:00

i've been missing out a lot recently because i have no one to go out with here. yes, i'll say it loudly and proudly!!! i am officially a loner/loser in seoul. there was a puma promotional party in 압구정 a few nights ago and some of the cast from 김탁구 showed up. and all of the 2AM members. and other celebs i'm in love with. but i was at home rolling around on the ground trying to fall asleep so that the next day would come quicker.

i miss finding horrendous pics of us on random club photogs' blogs...

and the shoes pictured above are just too damn cool. if i were a guy at the puma party and saw a girl rocking those, i'd fall in love with her instantly.

flakers?

2010-09-14T12:41:00.000+09:00

i admit; i'm a flaker.

i make dates to meet up with not-so-close friends, but when the time comes around to meet up with them, i just feel so lazy. i have to be in the mood to meet up with you because if i'm not, i'll just bluntly tell you that i'm too lazy to meet up with you.

at the same time, i hate it when people are late. it's 12:45PM right now. i'm supposed to meet a friend i haven't seen in a while at 12:50. he just called and said he'll be an hour late.

(technical) difficulties.

2010-09-13T17:07:00.001+09:00

it's hard deleting my old posts... the ones i wrote as a senior at USC. such a memorable time of my life. (i'm being 100% sarcastic right now.) ha, i make it seem like it was ages ago, when it wasn't at all...

it's hard not because i feel emotionally attached to them, but because i really just don't know how to delete posts.

cheers!

this bag is mine.

2010-09-13T17:04:00.001+09:00

black on black diego bucket - alexander wang

hello and goodbye!

do you ever feel like you're missing out?

2010-09-13T16:59:00.001+09:00

as if everything good is happening somewhere else?

i want to be part of the "in-crowd". i'm not talking about hanging with the popular kids because these groups of people don't really exist anymore in the non-schooling world, but i'm talking about being around people i can learn from. or going to all the places i want to go to, even here in seoul.

i want to experience everything.

i don't understand people who enjoy being alone. i'm jealous of them. i wish i was more independent. loneliness kills me... it kills me very slowly. i'd rather do everything with a friend than do some things alone. does that even make sense? it makes sense to me.

buyer's remorse.

2010-09-11T16:15:00.000+09:00

staying home --> boredom --> watching a lot of tv --> looking through (but getting sick of) magazines --> trying to read a novel --> more boredom --> restlessness --> just lying down and thinking... A LOT.

so the end result is... too much on my mind. tootootootootootootootootooooo much. every single person i've ever met in my life has said to me, "i think way too much." even when i'm being judgemental (we're all guilty) and assume that someone's skull is empty (you know, when his/her expression is just blank and you can say that he/she looks "dumb"), this person will say to me, "you know what, jessica? i think too much."

obviously, we all think a lot.

it's just a bad thing when we use our chaotic minds to make us unhappy.

i want to blog more often.

2010-09-10T19:33:00.000+09:00

i'm finding so many useless things to do these days... at least i'm occupied by these things, but i wish i could just sit and write away here.

Seoul or LA?

new music, fresh magazines...

2010-09-07T17:40:00.000+09:00

i can smell fall.

and there's so much i want to buy.

what changed your life?

look of the day: jessica hart

2010-08-04T10:56:00.000+09:00

random thought: wouldn't it be cool if my last name was HEART? ... i guess that isn't really possible, so what if i changed my middle name to "heart"? koreans don't really have middle names anyway, so...

anyway, i'm getting sick of floral these days but i own so many floral things. and jessica's outfit is simple and chic... love the studded converses (i need a pair!) and the fringe purse... fringe is in this fall, everybody!!! wooooooooooooooo. her accessories make floral look not too fem.

time to start my dreaded work day.

best look i've seen in the past few weeks.

2010-07-28T20:31:00.001+09:00

alexa chung at the mulberry pool party

food for thought.

2010-07-05T10:13:00.000+09:00

if i go back soon, i go back to nothing.

that's what makes me open my eyes each morning. that's what keeps me going here. that's what keeps me... alive.

i feel it.

"love ballad" by brown eyed soul to... get high, so high that that i feel like lying down in a cigar. roll me up up & smoke me cause i feel like dying... only once the drugs are done that i feel like dying...

we played hard.

2010-06-27T15:59:00.000+09:00

proud of my koreans.

got so sick of wearing red though...

2010-06-27T15:56:00.000+09:00

"but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

2010-06-13T21:17:00.001+09:00

"...but now i find i can't stop wanting. i want to fly somewhere on first class. i want to travel to europe on a business trip. i want to get invited to the white house. i want to learn about the world. i want to surprise myself. i want to be important. i want to be the best person i can be. i want to define myself, instead of having others define me. i want to win, and have people happy for me. i want to lose and get over it. i want to not be afraid of the unknown. i want to grow up to be generous and big-hearted, the way that people have been with me. i want an interesting and surprising life. it's not that i think that i'm going to get all these things. i just want the possibility of getting them."

korea: 2, greece: 0

2010-06-13T21:13:00.001+09:00

the greatest thing in my life is... myself.

2010-06-10T17:35:00.000+09:00

right now, it's not about solving the way i am... it's about letting things happen the way they're supposed to happen.

an unexpected friend told me recently, "it's interesting how the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning."

i thank this friend.

i've had the biggest urge to delete this blog, but then all of my thoughts would go to waste. i decided i'll just update even more now, being here in seoul.

what i've learned: be strong for the people who love you.

and that's all you need to know.

2010-05-12T13:38:00.000+09:00

literate and stylish

kissable and quiet

that's what girls' dreams are made of.

is that really scarjo on the right?

2010-05-12T13:37:00.001+09:00

they must've photoshopped her head onto that bod... even though her body WOULD look like that. love.

2010-05-09T15:11:00.000+09:00

summertime is almost here, and that means i'm going to wear huge bows and flowers in my hair every day. ;)

these illustrations sum up my life perfectly right now.

2010-05-05T15:54:00.001+09:00

i know i use the words "perfect" and "amazing" too much, which is quite ironic because i never feel perfect or amazing.

lore vigil-escalera (aka lov-e) is tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. lov-e these.

times are changing, and i don't like it one bit.

2010-05-05T14:56:00.000+09:00

i came across this really sick quote recently. it was in a little book at urban, and it said something along the lines of, "it's not that we're going through hard times, it's that we're getting out of too-good times." no, that was way wrong... anyway, it was optimistic and made me smile.

we went to pick up our caps and gowns today. besides the very rude and awkward conversation we had with the straight-up THUGS usc hired for the whole cap+gown pick-up thing (they talked funny and had huge sleeve tatts), i felt so sad. so so so very sad. i tried everything on for daniel and michelle, and i actually like the black robes and red sash combo. USC graduates look very regal. i love USC and loved my times here and it feels surreal that i'm graduating from such an amazing 4-year academic institution.

on to the next one.

i'm NOT crazy.

2010-04-26T14:50:00.001+09:00

has something like this ever happened to you?

i was looking at a random blog and saw the most random picture of a nicely-decorated white room. it wasn't anything special, but looking at it for literally one second brought about this sharp pang of serenity. (and the smallest tear to my right eye. yes, just my right one.)

i can't say that i was elated all of a sudden, but i felt for a millisecond a type of peacefulness i really want to feel.

(th)inspiration

2010-04-25T18:35:00.000+09:00

i've always thought that international magazines have better spreads than US ones... anyone agree? these photos are so beautiful... and i have nothing else to say.

[all images from fashiongonerogue]

darling baby here's my gift to you: my heart and my soul. i wouldn't just give that away.

2010-04-21T08:05:00.000+09:00

effortless chic

2010-04-21T07:59:00.000+09:00

i saw this spread a while ago but came across them again at fashiongonerogue... can't believe it's from vogue paris 2006!?

ZEE LOOK OF ZEE DAY!

2010-04-07T14:52:00.000+09:00

source: stockholmstreetstyle

just had an amazing chief sesh with the roomie and bestie, mich... zoot. i shouldn't be saying this stuff on the internet... one day (and that day is coming real soon), i'm going to have to make my facebook private. wait, i think that is already private. made my photos private too.... but i mean, one day, i'm going to have to make my twitter private. make this blog private. i don't want to go into the working world... scratch that, i don't want to work for a place (i.e. corporate, cubicled out environment) that's going to take away my freedom of speech. i know i'm being extreme right now, but all these thoughts are springing up out of nowhere and i can't stop talking.

i love this. always.

anyway, just ran into the above pic and couldn't stop staring at the girl's outfit. looks way too perfect right now... i wish i could rock it.

scratch that.

i can rock it.

ha...

this is what i live for.

2010-03-24T16:28:00.000+09:00

j'aime (many) silver rings worn at once, hot pink suede pumps, every picture i've ever posted on this blog, being in love, and last but not least... my city. nothing like living in LA.

nothing to do. so here's the look of the day:

2010-03-10T09:01:00.000+09:00

anja rubik at the chloé show in paris

listening to james fauntleroy's "bed time."

i'm spent.

maybe it's my manly tendencies?

2010-03-02T22:50:00.000+09:00

but why do i love all these bro-ish commercials? my love for beer commercials (especially the old ones with the dos equis guy who only had an awkward moment cause he wanted to) hasn't died. but these new old spice commercials are HILARIOUS. need to post these for my own frame of reference... aka i can look back several weeks/months/years from now and laugh.

perf.

2010-03-02T19:00:00.000+09:00

it's hard to find something that's ideal, something that just blows your expectations away. i want an ideal life, an ideal appearance, but i don't look for the ideal in anything else. ideal boyfriends? who cares. ideal love? what is an ideal love?

we work when our thoughts collide. our overactive, chaotic minds work well together. sometimes we'll be sitting in front of each other not saying much, but at those times, aren't the simple "i love you"'s just so adequate?! i didn't know until now how important it was for two people to share the same passion for things. how could our musical taste be so alike? fashion?

the one who reads men's vogue while i devour all the magazines i enjoy next to him.

and (all forms of) ART? DESIGN? TRAVEL? ANYTHING CULTURAL? MORE LOVE? MORE FOOD? (no more food for me, please...) throw it all at us. we embrace with open arms.

2010-03-02T18:57:00.000+09:00

2010-03-02T18:56:00.003+09:00

"i know life is unfair, but this is fucking ridiculous."

it's not even my birthday today.

2010-02-24T19:08:00.000+09:00

and i'm sitting here thinking of all the stuff i want! ugh... it feels like i haven't gone shopping in forever. i want some nice new pieces in my closet... where's my suga mama? just kidding. where can i find a leprechaun who can lead me to a pot of gold?

i want a sheer-ish top i can pair with a pretty colorful bra.

i can't pull off beanies, but i want to try.

the above alexander wang items are too precious...

you know what i need to do!? two things: go on a strict diet/lose weight AND get a job that pays me BANK.

i'm drowning in you. i like it so much.

2010-02-19T12:23:00.001+09:00

first time in my life i wake up and legit scream my head off because i have NOTHING to wear. i need money and a lot of it... stat. or someone (mom?) needs to take me on a shopping spree. i need cloooooothes. i long for clothes... i long to feel new clothes against my skin. smell the scent of new clothes fresh out of the shopping bag. the feeling of RIPPING off a tag and thinking that you've conquered something... THIS NEW SHIT IS MINE!!! type of thing.

a glimpse into our bbm's...

2010-02-09T10:25:00.000+09:00

n/a

2010-01-20T17:05:00.000+09:00

flesh and blood

2010-01-20T17:04:00.001+09:00

perfection.

2010-01-20T15:16:00.000+09:00

sometimes, i wish i were blonde. then i wouldn't look so drab and emo whenever i wore all black.

all the time, i wish i could wake up and feel that my skinniest pair of skinny jeans are too loose on me.

never... never do i doubt that two people can fit perfectly together, like a classic (and great) pair of jeans on a great-looking ass. perfect fit. thumbs up.

but perfection doesn't exist, and even so, i strive for perfection. i wish i could be perfect in the future.

a TA asked mich to tell the class what she wanted to do after she graduated. she said, "i wanna be famous."

correlation.

chaos in my mind.

2010-01-17T13:06:00.001+09:00

do you mean everything you say?

no.

do you REALLY mean it?

-

no.

2010-01-14T09:07:00.000+09:00

today is a no.

the past few days have been a no.

my life is booboo.

i'm in disbelief.

i'll go.

HELLO.

2010-01-13T04:51:00.000+09:00

i have a big heart.

maybe i'm speaking too highly of myself, but i know that this is true. i love easily. i love a lot.

my heart is also weak. it's always been, and no matter how hard i try to put on a confident exterior, things get to me really easily. all my loved ones know this.

if you are disliked by me, it's just about the worst thing in the world. i say this because i have a big heart. if i dislike something or someone, the feelings are coming from an overbearing but also weak emotional base. i will mentally tear you up with everything that's burning inside of me.

you don't want to be disliked by me.

love me or hate me that is the question
if you love me then thank you!
if you hate me then fuck you!

ver2.0

2010-01-12T18:12:00.001+09:00

things change.

i need whatever's in my life to stay constant.

and i said Come Here.

2010-01-12T18:11:00.001+09:00

-

2010-01-12T18:10:00.001+09:00

my mind is so consumed with STUFF that i haven't been inspired by much recently.

The State of Your Mind is the State of Your Life//One Longass 2010 Post

2010-01-07T21:38:00.000+09:00

i was watching the episode of lost when charlie's about to die and he makes a list of the top 5 (was it 5?) most memorable moments of his life. then i started wondering: if i were to die in a few hours, what moments would make my list?

---

"so i miss you all the time now. i don't think about much that isn't you, but other than that, what we are does not feel like a cliche. it is something very completely new. i like that. i like you. i like the way you curve and bend and dip and arch and rise and fall, like a poem. i like it when you get drunk with your family, then come on msn to tell me that i'm FAB. i like sitting in the passenger seat of your truck - it makes me feel like taylor swift. i like the muscle in your jaw that twitches when you sleep. i like trains, but they take so long to get to you. i like the way you dress. i like the way you undress. i like it when you lift my dress over my head, like in the movies, you know? i like having sex with you. i like the weight of you on top of me and i like the sweat that pools at the bottom of your back. i like writing with my fingertips on your skin all the things i cannot say. i always get lines from poems stuck in my head when you are around. yes - the springtime were in need of you. i like it when you sing. i like your hair - please don't grow it long again. i like who i am when i am with you. i like how you make me better. i am learning, i am. i like how you look at me. and though i wish i did not, i love you."

---

my overactive thoughts tear me apart.

2010-01-06T07:06:00.000+09:00

i'm my own victim.

screw the last post and let's try something different this year: no 2010 resolutions.

my life will write itself out.

solve. we need solutions. no, I do.

goodbye shitty 2009; hello hopefully amazing 2010!

2010-01-02T13:25:00.000+09:00

n/a

restless. i'm done with studying.

2009-12-12T00:38:00.001+09:00

my favorite looks from the 200-something page jan'10 issue of vivi:

i really don't think i've ever been this broke in my life, but there is so much i want!

currently, i am lusting (yes, lusting) for...
1. fur-trimmed long-ish coat - i must have this before i go to NYC. so basically in the next 9 days, i must find THE coat.
2. black suede, tight thigh-high boots - maybe, but maybe not... i think they'll be too much after i wear them a few times.
3. nice sweaters i can use for layering (nothing specific)
4. pretty lingerie (cause it's holiday season! and... ha.)
5. a nice, normal pair of blue jeans - i have no idea where my favorite pair went. i bought a substitute at f21 a few weeks ago. the fit is nice, but it's too tight, so the small (originally intentional) hole in the thigh area is getting bigger and bigger... but maybe i'm getting fatter and fatter... ?

i need to stop blogging.

i need to stop thinking of everything i want.

i need to rock this final and get an A in this class.

oh, lalohan.

2009-12-11T23:08:00.001+09:00

random STUPID thoughts at 6:13 AM while studying for my EALC374 final/looking at the most recent issue of vivi:

-i don't like posh, in general. yeah, i can see why people think she's chic and glamorous, but i think it's way overdone. she looks like an alien. too skeletal. but, she's married to david beckham, so i don't have anything more to say...

-fergie and josh are still such a cute couple. fergie is crazy and manipulative. do you know how they got together? fergie eyed him at some event party, went up to him, and said, "i had a sex dream about you." they hooked up and now they're happily married.

recent lindsay for muse magazine channeling kate moss:

it's alright. i like this random pic of her though:

i don't know what ya'll think, but i miss this, pre-rehab lindsay:

what a bangin bod.

the things we love.

2009-12-11T11:33:00.000+09:00

use your second chance to finally get things right.

2009-12-05T11:07:00.002+09:00

2009-12-03T08:19:00.001+09:00

"affirm to yourself, 'i am fucking awesome!' the culmination of billions of years of evolution has created this moment with you in it - and quite a lucky star you are to experience all of this." - jason mraz

i love looking at my old blogposts.

2009-12-03T07:28:00.000+09:00

when i reread my blogposts, i realize how much my mind is working when i see and post pictures. i truly feel that i have a strong passion not just for fashion, but also for design, architecture, etc. but then i also realized two other things:

1. i only update when i have a shitload of academic work to do and am pulling all nighters.

2. i'm an emo child. every time there's text on this blog, it's super depressing.

the second one gets to me. i've been writing things like, "i'm digging myself into a bigger shithole. i need to get out, free my mind, and live free." it's been almost a year and i still feel the exact same way. this is telling me something.

elizabeth and james spring '10 preview

2009-12-02T10:45:00.000+09:00

it's not my favorite, but i wouldn't mind having all of the pieces.

my mind is about to burst right now and it's not because of academic work, for once. somebody please save me?

the countdown till christmas has started. i won't be alone this time.

i don't have time for any of this.

2009-11-29T13:45:00.000+09:00

i'm in love.

2009-11-13T19:36:00.000+09:00

to me, this look sums up the upcoming holiday season.

merry earlyass christmas.

hahahahahahaaa.

why do i do this to myself?

2009-11-05T20:15:00.001+09:00

i want to start updating my blog more often, but this won't happen until i'm done with final research papers, projects, and exams.

i can't wait to go to NYC this winter.

back to writing this paper! buhbye.

not doing my essays. instead, getting inspired in life.

2009-10-19T15:12:00.001+09:00

"The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent; but if we can come to terms with this indifference and accept the challenges of life within the boundaries of death - however mutable man may be able to make them - our existence as a species can have genuine meaning and fulfillment. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light." - Stanley Kubrick

sometimes i feel like a nobody, but nobodies can do something. i'm not thinking pessimistically; there's just something i'm trying to say here but don't know how to say it. when i'm over-stressed about personal things, i take a step back and realize that i'm a nobody, a nobody amidst a crazy world full of the coolest architecture, fashion, design, music, etc. and then i feel better.

i need film for my lomo.

2009-10-09T01:07:00.001+09:00

when i'm bored and lonely (not just bored), i like to type. i don't know what it is, but i find excuses to type long emails or facebook messages to friends and family. there's something calming about it. or maybe it's simple: it keeps me busy and i feel like i'm talking to somebody. ha. right now, i'm bored and lonely (less than 2 hours until my midterm), so please cope with all this text.

if i could... no, i actually probably could. if i had enough time, i'd write a "major blogpost" (ugh writing 340) analyzing entourage and the season 7 finale.

i looked through all my old tweets and blogposts in the past few hours. my tweets made me laugh so hard, but they have a recurring theme. i'm problematic and i think i'm a bit insane.

can't believe 09 is coming to an end soon. i wrote in one of my first posts that 2008 was one of the best years. but 2009 was better. i hope it goes uphill every year from here on.

let's see if i fulfilled/kept my 09 resolutions. let me copy and paste them:
1) number 1 has been the same for the past three years. try to lose as much weight as i can...i guess my goal is to lose about 15-20 pounds and i will succeed this year!!! (pic is of miranda kerr, vickie's secret model.)
verdict: fail. fail. fail. gained 15-20, if anything... hey, i still have 2 months, but i guarantee this will be my number 1 resolution on january 1, 2010.
2) drink a lot less. a lot less meaning once a week, or if i can, once every 10 days.
verdict: only a few times this year did i drink for more than 2 days in a row. :)
3) spend less money and try to go shopping much much less.
verdict: fail, especially this summer when i was in korea and hong kong. i haven't gone shopping in a few weeks though and it's K I L L I N G me. this weekend? even though i have less than $100 dollars in my wallet and bank account combined?
4) get a job second semester, get a good internship in korea for the whole summer and actually stay the whole summer.
verdict: good job to me on the first part, total fail on the second. i have a good excuse though.
5) be more appreciative of my parents' actions..........
verdict: i am more appreciative of what they go through for me. i'll stop here.
6) and the most important: study hard and try not to doubt so much... too late to change majors now, but what if i decide to? then i will go through with it and just graduate later. or i'll just try to find a niche that i really enjoy within IR and be satisfied. who knows...
verdict: IR isn't for me, but i admit i learned a lot. i feel more intellectual and worldly than i did a few years ago. i'm basically done with the major now, anyway. too late.
7) wait, one more... find love. LAUGH OUT LOUD HAHAHA HA HA HA HAH HAHAHAHA!!!
verdict: did i really write this back then?

i agree; this is too long of a post.

and yes! i should be studying.

2009-10-07T20:02:00.000+09:00

what i'd do to be in paris right now. randomly thinking about how i've never been to france before, yet alone europe. this makes me sadly realize that even though i say i love traveling, i haven't been to many places. i'll make it my goal to travel around europe in the next few years.

sasha pivovarova leaving the chloe show - the super casual, just-got-out-of-bed look never LOOKED so good...

magdalena leaving the dior show - so sick of plaid, but hey, plaid never looked so good...

dior show as well... look at them boots! i wish i looked like THAT in my leather vest.

and just a random one; not new:

image source: altamiranyc, stockholmstreetstyle

just a few pics to sum up my life... (?)

2009-10-05T17:30:00.000+09:00

glad to hear people are still following my blog even though i'm not posting anything! i always want to post up pics when i should be doing other stuff... aka studying.

"chanel recession" - saw this on nicole richie's twitter and found it hilarious... anyone have the time to make that for me? ha.

cole's tatt placements are amazing. i want my next and last one asap.

stressed out?
me too.
good day!

the only magic i believe in is love.

2009-09-22T14:40:00.000+09:00

fuck you and your blog.

goodbye. (for now.)

and this is senioritis at its best.

2009-09-14T12:21:00.001+09:00

too much to do, but not doing any of it. i need to get my shit together asap. there is no excitement in my life. if i'm not doing anything else, the least i could do is blog....... but nope. hello.

4th year and academics

2009-08-25T17:18:00.000+09:00

deleted.

my addiction and my weakness

2009-08-19T16:16:00.000+09:00

magdalena frackowiak in the september issue of harper's bazaar:

the economy is shit (all that my dad talks about) and yet it's all about shopping till you die. i like how this layout incorporates more affordable brands like gap and h&m. i want to go to NYC this winter. i also want to shop till i die.