these days, all my brother, boyfriend, and i do is talk about photography.

these days, we're all into and obsessed with the same shit. and it's not about being original, but i'm just sick of seeing girls' asses everywhere. don't get me wrong though... i have millions of tits and ass saved on my hard drive too. i'm just looking through these particular pictures i save wondering why they're aesthetically pleasing to me... lesbihonest, i'm not a lesbian. but girls girls girls, i barely have any photos of guys! models looking glam and smoking cigs, new editorials, runway fashion, airport fashion, the simplest and most modern architecture, cityscape, nudity, black and white snapshots of the most random objects, love, anything luxurious, etc., etc., etc.!!!

all of this makes up art today.

i die for this stuff.

even amongst sameness, you need to find something unique (it could be the smallest thing) and just blow up with that.

swag.

stream of consciousness.

i used to write more cautiously. not typo-wise because i'll forever make spelling and grammar mistakes, but even though i'd want to write all of my thoughts down, i didn't like the idea of other people reading it and making comments about it. good comments are great, but it has always been hard for me to take criticism or rejection. during school, i didn't mind presentations and speeches as much as those times my classmates had to correct my essays. i was embarrassed of my writing.

now, all i want to do is write. maybe i've learned some things in the past few years... maybe i've become more emotional. i don't know what it is, but whenever i feel pathetically sad or over-the-top happy, i want to write about it.

these days, everything is so pathetically sad to me. i don't know if it's because i'm a girl. i don't know if it's because of my period. i don't know if it's because of other personal reasons. i don't know if it's because i'm leaving korea... it's because i'm leaving korea. and it's not like before when i left korea in tears thinking of all the good memories i made here/how i want to stay/how i'm going to miss my relatives here. yes, i'll miss one relative, but my departure has deeper meaning for family all over the world.

i was watching this documentary about a dog who waits for his sick and old, about-to-pass-away owners every day at the bus stop. even if the owners try to trap him inside the house before going on their daily hospital visits, this dog finds a way to crawl through holes and jump across rooftops to get to that one bus stop where he waits. he waits all day. seeing this made me cry.

w.t.f.?

maybe i'm just sad these days because i was born a sensitive being. i'm. so. sensitive. i try to act like shit doesn't get to me, but it does. people think i don't care, but i do. maybe i'm not egotistical enough. maybe i'm not self-centered enough. and what i'm going to say now is going to make me look like the most haughty bitch: i just feel bad for everyone. at this point, i feel like i can't just focus on myself and move forward. i want to make everyone happy, but that's not an easy thing to do. just the fact that most of these sentences are negated by a "but" makes me sad. i feel bad for my loved ones who aren't happy. i don't care if i'm unhappy; i want them to be happy. a couple days ago, i felt bad after thinking about how i've been playfully "rude" to my chubby, little cousin. i felt so bad that i... cried.

i need a cigarette, but i don't have any.

i need to get rid of everything that doesn't bring joy to my life and just do what feels right.

trends really do fade. nothing's in anymore.

the "what i've learned in korea" post coming up real soon... : ) : (

random spurt of inspiration (!!!)

no time.

i get angry at myself when i see that i have over 1000+ items to check on google reader. i haven't been able to keep up with anything with all of the craziest shit happening here halfway across the world from my beloved home city.

i want to immerse myself in fashion like i did before when i was more active with blogging, but i simply don't have time. a lack of motivation and creation comes along with it too.

home is where my heart is... and i miss home.

until next time.

i used to hate it when people copied me. i got territorial because this new girl in elementary school wanted people to call her jess instead of jessica. i was supposed to be the only jess in the whole school. there once was this other girl a few years younger than me whose name also started with a 'j' and she'd copy my clothes, my cellphone, and even the shit i'd say! you can't take someone else's story or joke, make it your own, and not give any credit to the original creator. but now i don't care. i've probably copied someone in one way or another, though not obsessively. but now i just take it as a compliment.

lyrics

my blood boils as my eyes turn green

is this the best of the best of the scene

anyone but him

with schoolboy fists we can take this outside

but knowing my luck that fuck would win

anyone but him

who's gonna take you home

who's gonna take you home if it isn't me?

i feel like dying.

something said so lightly that it doesn't even have any meaning to me anymore. when i say i feel like dying, i really feel like dying. but do i really really feel like dying? or am i just listening to too much weezy? i do have the most druggerific song on repeat right now.

why is it that when i can't do anything, what i want to do most is everything? and why is it that when i have something planned, all i want to do is nothing?

something's wrong with me, or we all feel this way. please tell me it's the latter.

"I Sit and Look Out" by Walt Whitman

I sit and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all
oppression and shame;
I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men, at anguish with
themselves, remorseful after deeds done;
I see, in low life, the mother misused by her children, dying,
neglected, gaunt, desperate;
I see the wife misused by her husband--I see the treacherous seducer
of young women;
I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love, attempted to be
hid--I see these sights on the earth;
I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny--I see martyrs and
prisoners;
I observe a famine at sea--I observe the sailors casting lots who
shall be kill'd, to preserve the lives of the rest;
I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon
laborers, the poor, and upon negroes, and the like;
All these--All the meanness and agony without end, I sitting, look
out upon,
See, hear, and am silent.

[image via thesartorialist]

looks of the day. hey.

[images via fashiongonerogue, tfs, and free people]