it just means that i'm not numb enough. i want to think and feel nothing.

and the future...?

i wanna look good in anything i wear. even when i'm rocking a t-shirt and jeans, i want people to think that i'm stylinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

my little cousin, thinking i wasn't watching her, was trying to strut around in my heels. so cute.

my surroundings are giving me a lot of inspiration these days. i think more...

forget about the what-if's.

---

think about the things that are already real.

i want to buy everything. i want her thighs.

puma and sergio rossi. damn.

doctor doctor pick up the phone

it's a feeling i can't explain. or maybe it's not a feeling but just a mixture of many different feelings. and that's the thing. what i want to do is explain to people, the people closest to me. i want them to understand, even a little, even if it's to the smallest extent. i want them to SEE where i'm coming from and realize the root of all my problems. i feel jittery and want to rip off my clothes. i want to run around and scream. i want to get a knife and cut through my skin. and when i know i can't really do any of that... i shut down completely. nothing can make me feel better and it's just me... against myself.

i hate this. i hate now. i don't care that other people are wondering what's wrong with me. i wonder too. i wanna get away to a place where i can feel at ease.

good day.

64-page editorial in vogue paris august 2009.

from diesel to balmain... i've never been so turned on in my life. my fave look is gucci's. my life is complete and i'm ready to go back to LA now.