doctor doctor pick up the phone

it's a feeling i can't explain. or maybe it's not a feeling but just a mixture of many different feelings. and that's the thing. what i want to do is explain to people, the people closest to me. i want them to understand, even a little, even if it's to the smallest extent. i want them to SEE where i'm coming from and realize the root of all my problems. i feel jittery and want to rip off my clothes. i want to run around and scream. i want to get a knife and cut through my skin. and when i know i can't really do any of that... i shut down completely. nothing can make me feel better and it's just me... against myself.

i hate this. i hate now. i don't care that other people are wondering what's wrong with me. i wonder too. i wanna get away to a place where i can feel at ease.

good day.