these days, all my brother, boyfriend, and i do is talk about photography.

these days, we're all into and obsessed with the same shit. and it's not about being original, but i'm just sick of seeing girls' asses everywhere. don't get me wrong though... i have millions of tits and ass saved on my hard drive too. i'm just looking through these particular pictures i save wondering why they're aesthetically pleasing to me... lesbihonest, i'm not a lesbian. but girls girls girls, i barely have any photos of guys! models looking glam and smoking cigs, new editorials, runway fashion, airport fashion, the simplest and most modern architecture, cityscape, nudity, black and white snapshots of the most random objects, love, anything luxurious, etc., etc., etc.!!!

all of this makes up art today.

i die for this stuff.

even amongst sameness, you need to find something unique (it could be the smallest thing) and just blow up with that.

swag.

stream of consciousness.

i used to write more cautiously. not typo-wise because i'll forever make spelling and grammar mistakes, but even though i'd want to write all of my thoughts down, i didn't like the idea of other people reading it and making comments about it. good comments are great, but it has always been hard for me to take criticism or rejection. during school, i didn't mind presentations and speeches as much as those times my classmates had to correct my essays. i was embarrassed of my writing.

now, all i want to do is write. maybe i've learned some things in the past few years... maybe i've become more emotional. i don't know what it is, but whenever i feel pathetically sad or over-the-top happy, i want to write about it.

these days, everything is so pathetically sad to me. i don't know if it's because i'm a girl. i don't know if it's because of my period. i don't know if it's because of other personal reasons. i don't know if it's because i'm leaving korea... it's because i'm leaving korea. and it's not like before when i left korea in tears thinking of all the good memories i made here/how i want to stay/how i'm going to miss my relatives here. yes, i'll miss one relative, but my departure has deeper meaning for family all over the world.

i was watching this documentary about a dog who waits for his sick and old, about-to-pass-away owners every day at the bus stop. even if the owners try to trap him inside the house before going on their daily hospital visits, this dog finds a way to crawl through holes and jump across rooftops to get to that one bus stop where he waits. he waits all day. seeing this made me cry.

w.t.f.?

maybe i'm just sad these days because i was born a sensitive being. i'm. so. sensitive. i try to act like shit doesn't get to me, but it does. people think i don't care, but i do. maybe i'm not egotistical enough. maybe i'm not self-centered enough. and what i'm going to say now is going to make me look like the most haughty bitch: i just feel bad for everyone. at this point, i feel like i can't just focus on myself and move forward. i want to make everyone happy, but that's not an easy thing to do. just the fact that most of these sentences are negated by a "but" makes me sad. i feel bad for my loved ones who aren't happy. i don't care if i'm unhappy; i want them to be happy. a couple days ago, i felt bad after thinking about how i've been playfully "rude" to my chubby, little cousin. i felt so bad that i... cried.

i need a cigarette, but i don't have any.

i need to get rid of everything that doesn't bring joy to my life and just do what feels right.

trends really do fade. nothing's in anymore.

the "what i've learned in korea" post coming up real soon... : ) : (

random spurt of inspiration (!!!)

no time.

i get angry at myself when i see that i have over 1000+ items to check on google reader. i haven't been able to keep up with anything with all of the craziest shit happening here halfway across the world from my beloved home city.

i want to immerse myself in fashion like i did before when i was more active with blogging, but i simply don't have time. a lack of motivation and creation comes along with it too.

home is where my heart is... and i miss home.

until next time.

i used to hate it when people copied me. i got territorial because this new girl in elementary school wanted people to call her jess instead of jessica. i was supposed to be the only jess in the whole school. there once was this other girl a few years younger than me whose name also started with a 'j' and she'd copy my clothes, my cellphone, and even the shit i'd say! you can't take someone else's story or joke, make it your own, and not give any credit to the original creator. but now i don't care. i've probably copied someone in one way or another, though not obsessively. but now i just take it as a compliment.

lyrics

my blood boils as my eyes turn green

is this the best of the best of the scene

anyone but him

with schoolboy fists we can take this outside

but knowing my luck that fuck would win

anyone but him

who's gonna take you home

who's gonna take you home if it isn't me?

i feel like dying.

something said so lightly that it doesn't even have any meaning to me anymore. when i say i feel like dying, i really feel like dying. but do i really really feel like dying? or am i just listening to too much weezy? i do have the most druggerific song on repeat right now.

why is it that when i can't do anything, what i want to do most is everything? and why is it that when i have something planned, all i want to do is nothing?

something's wrong with me, or we all feel this way. please tell me it's the latter.

"I Sit and Look Out" by Walt Whitman

I sit and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all
oppression and shame;
I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men, at anguish with
themselves, remorseful after deeds done;
I see, in low life, the mother misused by her children, dying,
neglected, gaunt, desperate;
I see the wife misused by her husband--I see the treacherous seducer
of young women;
I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love, attempted to be
hid--I see these sights on the earth;
I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny--I see martyrs and
prisoners;
I observe a famine at sea--I observe the sailors casting lots who
shall be kill'd, to preserve the lives of the rest;
I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon
laborers, the poor, and upon negroes, and the like;
All these--All the meanness and agony without end, I sitting, look
out upon,
See, hear, and am silent.

[image via thesartorialist]

looks of the day. hey.

[images via fashiongonerogue, tfs, and free people]

this too shall pass.

what the hell am i doing in seoul right now? if my life philosophy includes the quote "get away from anything that makes you miserable," why haven't i quit my job? what am i going to do with my future? questions i ask myself every day i wake up and before i go to hell (work). questions i can ponder about for hours and hours and at the end of the day my brain is just filled with a bigass question mark. i wanted to get away so badly, but now all i can think about is home. i thought there might be a chance i could live in another city, that maybe there'd be somewhere better for me than LA.

what's wrong with me?
a) maybe i'm a pussy.
b) maybe i'm just homesick.
c) maybe i'm not ready for the real world.
d) all of the above.

the answer is d and in my eyes, LA is the best city for me.

who doesn't agree?

why does everyone i know who was born and raised in LA love LA so much?

another question that has been asked time and time again: why are all fashionistas and fashion bloggers anorexically skinny? yes, i wish i were that skinny, but why is it that clothes look so good only on girls who are that thin? i'm living in a sad sad world...

and the only way i'm pushing through is because... ?
a) he's here.
b) $$$
c) one year is nothing in our lifetime.
d) all of the above.

and the answer, yet again, is d.

something makes me run from nothing.

kill your ego and open your damn heart. what do we have hearts for anyway?

oh god, mike posner just came up on my itunes. time to click next.

a new discovery goes a long way, by the way. i just found out about the freshest band by the name of aer and these two white boys take music to a whole new level.

something's always off for me when it comes to white boys trying to rap, but aer reminds me of a chillass summer day driving around LA with the windows down smoking a what? think sublime + the cool kids and then you get aer.

hey hazel, i like you.

you really don't realize how amazing something is until it's gone.

no, that doesn't make sense. most things that leave my life are out of my life for a reason. most people who've exited from my life aren't in my life now for a reason. but how about those people who shouldn't have left but did???

i used to have a tutor named doug when i was in middle school/early high school who was such an amicable guy. and he did teach us a lot. i think i was in love with him when i was younger (not that i knew what love was back then and i'm not sure if i even do now) and i always told michelle that i was going to marry a guy like him. i wonder what happened to the only person i've ever met who i could truly call a life mentor...

back. how should i put this... you don't realize how amazing something is until it becomes scarce? and let me tell you... this thing is so amazing that it makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs. screw doug; i would marry this if i could. this thing that i took for granted is now my world. it's what makes me laugh. it's what makes me sleep. it's what awakens me. it's what makes my mind go crazy. it's what makes me realize i need to go buy a notebook after work today.

don't take A N Y T H I N G for granted.

remember how things were in the beginning?

not good at all.


[image via ffffound]

concrete box

i always told myself i wouldn't be one of those types to wake up at the same time every day and walk into an office building where everyone's so proper and i have to watch what i say. get that stick out of your ass, old lady in the corner cubicle.

i just have this feeling that my loved ones and i are meant to do something big.

i want to be rich. i want to be filthy rich. i mean, who doesn't? we all need money, clothes, and hoes... we all want that g6. but money has become less of a priority now. i just know that i have to step into the world of creativity.

peace.

daily inspiration

exquisite.

piercings.

heaven.

dro.

LA, not NYC.


smile, you.

[images via fashiongonerogue and vectroave]

we all need a hank moody in our lives.

"it was one of those moments where i decided... i resolved that i was gonna keep on fighting. i've lost many battles but i've never lost sight of the war. no retreat baby. no surrender."

who i respect most

you creative people who can make shit reality... you're amazing.

you people who get away from what makes you miserable immediately... you have balls.

you people who are so damn passionate about something you won't give up until you get what you want... i want to be like you.

do it.

i never regret what i've done, only what i haven't done.

ah damnit. i wish i could just blog all day every day and get paid bank for it.

i'm back.

that's what's up.