know the truth or live blindly?

it's coming in spurts.

i will always love them.

"i want to cut open my chest and engulf the world." - D

today has been the dirtiest, laziest, most braindead day of my life. too much drinking and clubbing. i'm in seoul and i need something to inspire me.

1. run around in the rain
2. get on the subway and just go wherever (명동?)
3. go to the bookstore at coex and spend the whole day looking through art books
4. sit at a cafe on 가로수길 and just start writing

i want to go on adventures alone, but why does that scare me?
i want to let go and live it up, but why does my practical side hold me back?

i have no motivation to update my blog, so brb.

stroke my big ego.

i need a drink. make that 2. no, 3. 10. 25. 100.

like in the movies.

death is insane. it's sort of just like anything else where you feel like it's going to happen, but it doesn't, and then you feel like it's going to happen, and it does. make sense?

watching someone die is even more insane. thur and i ran into the room and everyone was screaming and crying and things were happening too fast. you don't know what CRAZY truly is until you're in a hospital room watching someone's heart rate fall to 0. at first, it felt like i was pushed into a tornado. my head was spinning and i seriously wanted to plug my ears and run out of the room. but after a few minutes, everything around me slowed down. it felt like i was high almost. my relatives' screaming and crying started to lag and i was just looking around wondering what the fuck was going on. at that moment, it was just me and my first encounter with death.

i know my grandpa is resting peacefully now. he's not in pain anymore. what a soldier... pushing through until everybody he loves got to visit him.

my love for seoul doesn't derive from its nightlife, shopping, and cute cafes. i love seoul because my grandpa taught me how to love this city.

저한테 사랑을 너무 많이 주신 할아버지.. 저는 할아버지 처럼 멋지게 살거예요. R.I.P.

"live love - james fauntleroy"

i'm not thinking too hard, which is actually really good for me. i haven't felt that extreme self-consciousness i usually feel in the beginning of all my korea trips. oh god, now that i'm writing about it, it's slowly hitting me... nononoono stop stop. stop stop. stop. please.

i'm trying my best to think of better and happier things. i'm on the 12th floor at the seoul u hospital looking out into this part of the city and it's fucking beautiful. it's filled with endless opportunities, things that can give life meaning, hit my soul, etc. the weather is getting hotter and more humid, everyone's hustling and bustling; in other words, it's pretty damn hectic. but i love it. and at the same time, inside the hospital a few rooms away, my grandpa is dying because of three different cancers and my whole family is just sitting and waiting. and waiting. and waiting. i hate waiting even more now. everything is so chaotic and depressing that it's almost beautiful.

so corny and shoot me if you want, but this is life.

live you. live us. live love.

HAHAHHAH. just saw this again. i'm sorry!

"i'm listening to you right now."

"what are you listening to? i wanna be listening to the same songs as you."

"i love breakfast. it's my favorite meal of the day. can we go to breakfast sometime? it's not a choice. i'm kidnapping you if you say no."

nothing's been going right (does that even make sense?) in seoul so far........... except for one thing.

the city is miiiiine. and i'm going to go eat brunch. :)

너랑 꼭 가고싶은 곳들:

하얏트 ~ 음식도 맛있구 수영장도 멋있다..

수지즈 ~ 이태원에서 브런치... 모델들도 많이 가는 레스토랑.

케리비언 베이 ~ 아 근데 비키니 입기 싫어서 좀 별로?

청계천 ~ 여긴 옛날 부터 가고싶었는데 같이 갈 사람이 없어서... 나랑 같이 가고싶은 사람 있나요? ㅋㅋ

인사동 ~ 사진이 멋있는데? ㅋ

명동 ~ 쇼핑, 카페.

동대문 ~ 여긴 많이 가는데, 그래도...

N타워~ 꼭꼭꼭 가야되. 안가면, 내여름이 완전 실패지.

빨리 가자.

i need to use my SLR and take some coolass photos.

cause when she hit the club heads turn around

she livin it up
drink up in the club
i'm in love from afar
baby girl i wanna be where you are

ciroc and lemonade.

i'm too gone.

what's up with these slow days in seoul?

i like korean cf's.

큰일이다.

dkdw90: i wish i could photocopy my thoughts

dkdw90: and show it to you

dkdw90: its like

dkdw90: a perfected form of art

dkdw90: thats imperfect

been here, done that. don't read.

club eden (에덴), 역삼동:

getting so sick of house music but what a lush club filled with beautiful men and women.





i have a love hate relationship with korea right now.

is it possible to turn death into something beautiful, something that celebrates the life accomplishments of the most beloved, amazing, and succesful person i know? i smile, we smile together, i cry, we cry together, and that's when i know that we stand as one through thick and thin. (i love my fam and friends.) but no matter how optimistic i try to be, "death is still death" (as M.CHOI put it) and we are breaking down. down down down.

i remember all those times he'd incessantly want to feed my friends and me. those mornings he'd wake my bro, jay, and me up and give us 5,000 won, which we spent on ice cream and bb guns. (we got in so much trouble for shooting those around the house... probably accidently shot him a few times too. haha.) those nights he'd act like a mummy, chasing us around while we were screaming our asses off. when he used to sit there in front of me, with his johnnie walker black on the rocks in one hand and a paparito in the other, telling me that he's proud of me and that he'll always be there for me as the best grandpa in the world.

and i'm off to the city of soul.

i've been waiting for this all year, but why am i feeling so blah about it right now? maybe it'll hit me when i land... peace.

damn you're hott.

this post doesn't even need pics.

sueshikim: hell yea, fuck him

sueshikim: nd get some

sueshikim: nahmean

sueshikim: like fuck him literally

sueshikim: 7 thumbs up

sueshikim: play on u fuckin plya

sueshikim: our convos go in circles

sueshikim: it ALWAYS leads to "GET SOME"

sueshikim: maybe we should've been born guys

sueshikim: honestly

sueshikim: i think you're a player in denial

no way jose. girl be crazy. i love crazy girls. 7 thumbs up. get some.

ha.ha.